Over the past 31 years there has been evidence in my life of grave impatience, after reading, learning and being open to all paths to enlightenment and self improvement; becoming patient has been harder than losing weight, being in a bad marriage, and losing tons of money. As I type this from a random coffee shop in the city of Zagreb, I am trying to be patient. I am trying to let go of what I can not control.
I guess some of the pivotal examples of my crimes against impatience started when I was a teenager, often lying about my age because I was impatient about becoming an adult. I remember when I went out for dinner when I was 15, and my mom got mad at me because as she put it, ˝Why was I acting like I was 17?˝ I remember thinking I would never be able to wait for the day that I was 17.Yet when 17 came I was longing to be 19 and so on. For some reason never being completely satisfied, complete, patient with who I was in the here and now! Another severe crime of impatience was getting married at the age of 22. In hindsight, I see this now as a naive and hopelessly romantic girl again suffering from severe impatience. I wasn't willing to wait for time to tell if he was the right one or not. Impatiently being a wife to a husband who wasn't ready, expecting positive results. I was always one to dive right in and think of the consequences later. After much negative results, I sit here at a moment where I must show extreme patience and I am pondering over previous failures to distract myself. The bottom line is that if I was patient and lived in the moment, I know that the results that I would be able to report today would be better, knowing this now would I change anything then? Curiously, no!
Everything happens for a reason and though sometimes, this point bitterly crosses my mind, it does only for an instant because after all the negative results, I am finally learning, finally growing, the adult the 15 year old was craving to be might finally becoming an adult at 31.I sit here now, eating a crappy sandwich not having the fresh fish lunch I was supposed to with an old friend who I haven't seen in too long. I sit here now and write this blog in a random coffee shop in Zagreb and a cute repairman winks at me, very impatience relieving might I add. I have proactively done everything I can to make this situation better and will not react. For me this is like curing cancer, I can not control certain things and from the bottom of my heart I understand that that this can be good thing. This is actually exciting as I wait in patience for the outcome. The nervous twitching in my leg has stopped. My friend called to cancel she can't make it either, thank God for the crappy sandwich. Will my end results be more positive then before because of this paradigm shift? I am excited and curious to further report! Practice healthy and realistic patience and I would be curious if your end result wasn't better than expected!
Yours in curiousity,
Kat
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